Episode 7: The Oysters Enjoy a Great Feast….
To all our beloved sponsors, parents, friends, supporters, doctor, sports physiotherapist, team psychologist, coach, and the Rose Bay parking inspector that decided kick off was the best time to tell everyone to move their cars or risk a fine… WE’RE BACK for the Seventh Oysters Circular of 2021.
You don’t need to be a rain gauge to know last week was very wet. Although if you owned one it probably would have told you that. Now whilst an Oyster is traditionally an aquatic based species that thrives in salt-water environments, you might be surprised to know that Oysters actually hate the wet. Well, they detest any form of water that falls from the clouds to be precise. Wet clouds mean rain. And rain means puddles. And puddles mean Waverley Council close down Hugh Bamford Reserve. And no Hugh Bamford means no training. AND the Oyster HATES no training!!
Exhibit A: Big shoutout to the RAAF for giving us a fly by
No training means no Oysters touch or ‘Hot Curry’ drills with the boys. No training means the Oyster is robbed of their one true cardio session of the week. No training means the Oyster spends Thursday afternoon aimlessly wandering around their place of employment with a sullen look on their face, a misty tear in their eye and a general confusion about what it means to be an Oyster that can’t Oyst! For the love of GOD, HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN TO ME!
Alas, the Oysters are smart and resilient and in times of uncertainty gather at the one true place that never closes down (even when it’s raining!). The Light Brigade. And it was there this week that we gathered.
Exhibit B: Home away from Home (The Reef)
Built in 1939, The Light Brigade Hotel is our spiritual home of refreshment, nourishment and self- improvement. Designed by the great Sidney Warden (1890-1959), art historians would describe the Light Brigade as ‘an exceptional example of Inter War Functionalist style commercial architecture’. Now I’ll be honest, I have no clue what that means, I don’t even know how to use a protractor. BUT my guess is Sidney Warden was a top bloke who loved schooners, Oysters and watching the footy with his mates. As such, he decided to design a pub to the perfect dimensions to allow patrons to undertake all three activities at the same time. A genius. A true architectural genius. And for that, cheers to Sidney!
As the rain had sucked the soulful life out of the Oysters, the decision was made that only two substances can truly replenish the body for peak performance. Food and Schooners. So the Oysters gathered for a night of team strategizing, schooner sipping and chip sharing. A favoured past time of the rained in Oystie. And it was after this very night of bonding, that we’d like to present to you, the below Buzzfeed style essay on...
Exhibit C: Get Low... Get Low Get Low, Get Low
WHAT DOES YOUR LIGHT BRIGADE ORDER SAY ABOUT YOU!
CHEESEBURGER & CHIPS
You’re a hard worker that likes to get your hands dirty. And the boys love it. The 180g ground beef brisket fills your insatiable appetite to feast on succulent animal, the lettuce AND tomatoes tick off your 5 serves of fruit and veg requirement and the smoked onion puree sure fires your gas cylinders well into Friday. And sometimes even Saturday morning.
You sir are a non nonsense operator that gets the job done. You’re a Toyota Hilux covered in mud. You’re probably a socks down, shoulders up type fella and you most definitely play in the forwards. Welcome to the Big Boi club.
Exhibit D: Camera struggling to keep up with H. Lorang
SCHNITTY & CHIPS
You’re refined. You’re intelligent. Not comfortable eating with your bare gruesome hands like the burger munching Ogre beside you, special sauce dripping from their chin. You thirst for a refined dining experience that requires a knife AND fork. And you probably eat your chips with them as well.
You are undoubtedly playing in the backs. You schedule haircuts for the morning of game day. And you most certainly are not willing to share your gravy with others. A commodity of limited source. The Schnitzel man only thinks for themselves and is often caught admiring their chiseled jaws in the Light Brigade bathroom mirrors at half time… You’re a pretty boy and not afraid to own it. Schnitzel on boys, schnitzel on.
Exhibit E: Prop to Hooker, you love to see it.
You’re a fun time. You’re Fridays are for the boys, even when it’s Thursday. You live life to the fullest, not afraid of the limited nutritional value that sits upon your plate. You’re thirsty for the sweet taste of GOOD TIMES. One meat is not enough, two barely does it. It must be four. FOUR meats upon your pizza, finished off with lashings of mozzarella cheese, oregano AND the special ingredient, HOT HONEY. Which coincidentally are the same adjectives females use to describe you when you’re spotted on a night out...
You’re a playmaker. A try scoring creator. Handsome and visionary, you’re a scrum-half, a fly or a fullback and you raise the median average of our collective good looks. And for that we thank you.
Exhibit F: Bundle 'im up
You’re reading the wrong newsletter.
Following the aforementioned culture and whiteboard session on Thursday evening, the coaching staff were confident the Oyster playing group had the theory down-pat - but could they put it into practice?
The challengers this week were the Northern Saints, the final team the Oysties were yet to play in our home and away season. The venue was a glorious Lyne Park in Rose Bay, which had been curated lovingly by Woollahra Council and the various combination breeds of poodles, labradors, Golden Retrievers and Cocker Spaniels that frequent the park on a daily basis. Injured stars Jack Remond and Seamus Frost were put through their paces in one of the first fitness tests in their bid to return from the sidelines, manning a shovel and a bag of fresh topsoil to iron out any inconsistencies their canine counterparts may have left behind.
Exhibit G: Focus wasn't an issue on the field, maybe off it.
Sensing the occasion, the carpools of Oystermen gathered with a renewed enthusiasm, the thunderous cries of ‘HOOOLD-UP’ in the warm-up echoing around the Rose Bay ferry terminal. It was safe to say right from kick-off that the Oysties ‘were in a mood’ this fine afternoon, full of hard direct running in attack and quick line speed in defence. In the blink of an eye Welsh prop Harri Greville received a nice tip pass from Lachy Argiris and sliced through the right hand Saints defence, to dive over for our first 5-pointer from 10m out. Never fearing to play expansively, our forwards lined up in formation and looked to burst through the line at any given moment, getting great quick ball from halfback Roy Harrison who returned to the starting team in red-hot form (yep that’s a hair colour joke).
Nicholas Stubbs (drink that beer!) was running hard unders lines all day, and managed to straighten the attack from a set move 15 out to crash over for our second try. A period of intense line speed in defence, coupled with a magnificent display of running rugby by Harrison Williams, saw the Oysties stretch their lead to 31-7 going into the half. HWilly was everywhere, scoring a double (which included a barnstorming 25m run down the Saints right edge), flattening narrow forward runners, scooping up half-volleys on the fly, around the corner offload - you name it, he did it.
Exhibit H: Save your legs boys, you won't catch him.
The boys decided to take a page out of Willy’s book and really throw caution to the wind and play some expansive footy in the second half, with our solid structure being executed with some creative license and flair. Becoming a feature of his game, Angus McClelland looked dangerous with ball on foot, and after yet another Argiris tip pass to Greville breakaway, deftly used his knee to soccer Grev’s pass along the deck, regathering and scoring a beautiful try underneath the southern posts. The defensive effort kept right up until the whistle, and so did the hard direct running. Resident nut-trucker Harrison Dormer put the super in super-sub, going on a lovely little breakaway right through the heart of the Saints defence. Flyhalf Sam Wood shone with ball in hand, stepping in and around defenders late in the game to open up some holes for our forwards to burst onto. Outside centre Ryan Droop was a solid body on both sides of the ball, locking down his opposing number superbly. New cult sensation James Willetts, not to be outshone by his other Welsh front-row counterpart, even crashed over from short range (we’re still waiting on a Goanna though!).
All in all a stunning day of rugby against some spirited, tough and fair opposition, who fought right through to the last whistle. The coaches must also remark on the great way in which the game was refereed, a credit to the officiating industry.
On. To. The. Next.
Exhibit I: Thanks for coming.
With a new year, we have the chance to bring on some new sponsors as we look to continue building our bonds within the community. We thank you for your commitment to the 2021 season and look forward to seeing you down at our games. We know that 2020 was a tough year for everyone and appreciate the support. There is simply no way we would be able to have the kit, equipment or ground hire without the valued contribution of our sponsors and for that we are grateful.
Exhibit J: Sponsors Day next week.
Exhibit K: Oysties getting the bacon, check out our old foe going down as well.
Exhibit L: Come on Down to Rushcutters, Sponsors Day is ON.
Exhibit M: Up2 Oysters
As always, have a fantastic week, go the Oysters, and above all, SHUCK ‘EM!
Sydney Harbour Rugby Club