It’s a Long Way To The Top, If You Want a Lobster Roll

June 22, 2022

Hello and welcome back to all our readers - wherever you might be sinking your teeth into the 9th edition of the coveted Circular! After a delightful sabbatical weekend thanks to her majesty, the oyster men were rejuvenated and absolutely stinging for round 7 of the McLean Cup; for what promised to be a spell-binding top of the table clash against the merry merry men of Merrylands. It all started on a sublime winters evening down at Barracluff, the air thick with salt blowing over from our heavenly harbour. It was here that Coach Wiv and Judd pulled together a very impressive good cop/bad cop routine, one which Will Smith (pre backhand) and Martin Lawrence would’ve been proud of. We never knew these gentlemen to be capable of delivering such poise and drama, leaving watchers on in true awe! The group agreed that such an act was well worthy of the fabled gold logie, but that bloody bloke from the lego show got it again! Robbed I say!

Exhibit A: Oyster men getting ready to do battle

Anywho attention turned to game day, and the men of the clam brimmed with excitement. For you see, this was an away game, the first in at least a month. And what could that mean? A boisterous, elongated people mover? Yes indeed a BUS! For Newton in the hours before his death had been busy working on his 4th law. When you take the sum of the angle of the dangle of a dodecahedron at 11:48pm facing due East, the following formula rings true:

BIG BUS = BIG WIV

Exhibit B: Coach Wiv & Anthony getting ready for Big Bus energy

And so a bus it was! And in Oystie’s savvy spirit we chose to neglect the West Connex and rather choose the road less travelled to the home of the wolves. Akin to our least favourite poet whom we have never drawn upon since year 10 english (until now), the journey went a little like this:

Two roads diverged in paddington,

And driver could not travel both
And be thy oyster, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the underpass;

Plan B the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better clam,
Because it was mossy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing bus
Had worn them really without a fuss,

I shall be telling this with a smile
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in paddington, and driver—
Driver took the one less travelled by,
And that has made all the difference

Match Report

Top of the table battle with party pies and sausage rolls to finish.

With a pinch of anxiety and a number of delay’s arriving to Holroyd Oval for the top of the table clash for the oysters round 7 clash versus Merrylands, the coaching team were on edge leading into a succinct warm up from the Oysters. The Oysters had a backs against the wall mentality that would only be exemplified with Mr Ladies Day, Hamish Lorang being hit by a feather causing his nose to be plastered across his face early in the clash, this galvanised the Oysters and solidified this mentality, with the Oysters knowing they were fully in an arm wrestle.

Exhibit C: Winger H.Lorangs reaction to being hit with a feather

Early in the first half, the Oysters came up big in defence and when the Oysters had possession, the continuity and speed of play really stepped up, allowing a neat in and away try from 20 meters out by prop Will Evans (that’s what he said on the bus ride home anyways) to get the Oysters on the scorebaord. The match continued to live up to the billing of the top of the table clash and the Oysters holding Merrylands at bay for a continued period, somewhat frustrating the opposition to take a penalty shot to make it 7-3. As the half went on, the oysters started to dictate the speed of play with barnstorming runs from Lyndon Christie and Nick Stubbs, the latter scoring the second try to give the Oysters a nice buffer going into the second half.

Exhibit D: Openside Flanker Dr. N.Findlay also receiving the high tackle treatment

As the second half began, the Oysters were met with a fair bit of fire and brimstone from the Merrylands side, with many of them punhishing the Oysters in defence and really testing the Oysters ability to offload. The Oysters continued to work for each other and using set pieces to their advantage, managing to continue to set the platform for some nice phase play, which saw Nick Findlay crash over from a stellar offload by Jack Remond. The game became spirited with the Merrylands taking advantage of a hop, skip and a jump over the ruck to run in a try of their own with five minutes remaining, this really invigorated the opposition but to the Oysters credit managed to out work and rise to the challenge with Dan Bottrell sealing the victory late with a decisive run to score under the posts.

Exhibit E: Winger L.Chrystie steamrolling the opposition fullback. Now that is big bus energy

Full Credit to Merrylands for the hospitality shown after the match, it was great to have some food, a chat, learn a bit more about the heritage of their organisation in the club house and get back to the sponsor pub for a few rounds of pool. Thank you once again and we look forward to seeing how you progress through the year.

Cheers

Wiv

Exhibit F: Tighthead M.Maloney with a strong carry in the midfield

Post Game

Nursing sore heads and a potentially broken nose, the Oysters were thrilled to be welcomed into the Merrylands Clubhouse for hospitality and some post game refreshments. Our eyes lit up wider than a Light Brigade Pizza, as the Merrylands canteen served up a hearty spread of party pies, sausage rolls and sandwiches, for the hard working Oysters and coaching staff who’d worked up an appetite. Some Oysters took the offer of a hot bay of delicacies a little too eagerly, and managed to break the poor unsuspecting legs of a picnic table, by using the furniture as a seat. Chairs are for sitting boys. Tables are for eating! Of course, ever apologetic in our nature, the Oysters decided to give Merrylands a five second handicap in the annual boat race, which was narrowly lossed had we not been so kind.

Exhibit G: Loosehead W.Evans bracing for impact

After the party pie party, the Oysters were enticed over to the famous Coolibah Hotel to support Merrylands sponsor pub. Boasting 39 TV’s, two TAB rooms and a line up of taps that would please all Oysters, from the inner Newtwon craft drinkers to the dark lager sippers from Grenfell, all Oysters were adequately catered for in the beverage department. Now that we’d played Merrylands in Rugby and a pie eating contest, it was now time to let the pool cue do the talking, and challenge their club captain to a game of billiards. Led by Coach Wiv and Kiwi Seb, the Oysters were up against a formidable opponent, who’s clearly taken home a number of regional championships in his time in the Coolibah beer garden. After losing three games, the Oysters were dreaming of the soft pillows of our beds, and boarded the bus for the long journey along Parramatta Road, back to the Reef, where the festivities most certainly kicked on. Fire up Oysters!